You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
