You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
