this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
