I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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