I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
