The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
