woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
