drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I will pee on everything he values.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
