Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
