YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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