mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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