I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
