Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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