Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
