I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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