Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
50% drunk capacity currently
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
