so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
