I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
