if i can run in heels then i can drive
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
