we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
