After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
