I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
