The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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