Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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