i don't like sucking hair
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
