I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
