I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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