youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
