she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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