shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
