You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
