I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize