DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Houston, we have a blender
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
