Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
