its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
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