hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
