if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
