Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
