Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
