FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?