I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Don't make out with my wife yet
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.