Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.