You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
29 Shocking Confessions That People Thought Were A Joke
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
These 23 Groupies Had The Most Insane Sexual Experiences With Celebs
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend