He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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