i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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