4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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