Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
