he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Randomize
