I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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