Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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