why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
