pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
