i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
