The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
