fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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