So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
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there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
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I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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