perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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