Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
