is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
