I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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