He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
