You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
