3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize