the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
