Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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