Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
