the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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