Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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