On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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