Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
