after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I want to fling myself into the sun
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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