Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
