Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
