Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
