Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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