I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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