my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
