It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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