i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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