thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You don't make any sense
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