the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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