Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
