3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
