Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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