Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
