Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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