Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I had to cum in my sink.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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