the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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