I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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