Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
