Fine. I'll sleep in my office
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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