Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
